I'm 23, still living at home and going to school, taking a full load and working part-time.

Dear Uncle Gary,

I'm 23, still living at home and going to school, taking a full load and working part-time. Is it selfish to want space from my own family?

Signed, Leave Me Alone

Dear Leave Me Alone,

You’re not selfish. You’re human.

You’re juggling school, work, and the emotional weight of figuring out who you are and where you’re headed. That’s a full plate. Wanting space doesn’t mean you don’t love your family; it means you’re trying to breathe while carrying all that.

Now, depending on your family dynamics, asking for space might feel like asking for the moon. Some families hear “I need time” and translate it as “I don’t care.” That’s not on you. That’s just old wiring. You can love people and still need a room of your own, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

So what do you say to Mom and Dad?

Try this: “I’m not pulling away. I’m just trying to build something for myself, and I need a little quiet to do it.” Or: “I love being here, but I’m stretched thin. I need some time to recharge so I can show up better, for school, for work, and for you.” Or even: “I’m not shutting you out. I’m just trying to hear myself think.”

You don’t have to make a speech. You just need to be honest without being dramatic. If they push back, stay calm. You’re not asking for permission to love them less. You’re asking for space to love yourself more.

And if anyone tries to guilt you for that, just remember: you’re not asking for distance out of resentment. You’re asking for it out of respect, for yourself, for your goals, and yes, even for them. Because when you take care of your own energy, you show up better for the people you care about.

So no, it’s not selfish. It’s self-aware. And that’s something to be proud of.

Best Regards, Uncle Gary