If women have the 6-6-6 checklist, what’s the male equivalent?

Uncle Gary,

My wife hit me with a question that stopped me mid-sip: “If women have the 6-6-6 checklist, six feet tall, six-figure income, six-pack abs, what’s the male equivalent?” In other words, do men have their own shorthand fantasy for the kind of woman they want to date, something equally superficial, equally viral, equally absurd?

Signed, My Wife Wants To Know

Dear, My wife wants to know,

Oh, absolutely. Men have their own version of the 6-6-6 fantasy; it’s just not as neatly packaged, because let’s face it, most guys aren’t great at branding their delusions.

If the female version is height, money, and abs, then the male equivalent is something like:

“Hot, horny, and doesn’t hate me.”

That’s the shorthand. That’s the dream. Doesn’t matter if she’s a barista or a brain surgeon, if she’s attractive, sexually enthusiastic, and doesn’t treat him like a walking disappointment, he’s halfway to proposing.

Now, if you want to get a little more polished, we could say men tend to look for:

• Physical beauty, often defined by youth and symmetry because evolution is a shallow bastard.

• Emotional warmth, or at least the illusion that she finds him charming.

• Low drama. Which really means: “Please don’t make me talk about my feelings unless I’m drunk or dying.”

But we could cut through all that and say: “Men want a woman who looks like a porn star, cooks like their mother, and never asks them to go to therapy. That’s the trifecta. That’s the fantasy. And it’s just as ridiculous as the 6-foot, 6-figure, 6-pack nonsense.”

So yeah, men have their own viral absurdity. It’s just less Instagrammable and more whispered between beers and bad decisions.